Friday, April 19, 2019

Let's talk about those five minutes of Endgame


I am self-aware enough to know that I am completely impatient when it comes to movies. I am a greedy Augustus Gloop, a bitchy Veruca Salt who can't keep her hands to herself. That is both a pleasure and a curse. Because there have been times when I've spoiled entire movies and entire TV shows for myself. 

In recent memory, I can't think of another movie so heavily guarded as "Avengers: Endgame." We know the movie is going to be three hours long, and we also know that Disney is only pulling footage from the first twenty minutes for ALL of its marketing and trailers. This is why we've only seen the same few scenes in all the commercials. That's been driving some fans up a wall, but after how Infinity War ended, are we really surprised? There is some big stuff that is going to take place in "Endgame" and while the franchise will continue, it is going to look different after this movie. The internet has been a funny place to be the last year, because there is always some anonymous person on some website who knows some person close to production, and they give away "leaks," which are really just fan theories in disguise. They are funny to read, funny that anybody honestly believes them. Its also funny that some people have threatened to take bets with those who don't believe them. Nothing spells a commitment to lies like taking bets on some fan fiction, eh?

This past week though, something legitimate hit the internet. I know that its legit because it was taken down almost immediately. I had to scour the internet for days, and when I finally found this footage, it was taken down with hours of me watching it. That's how you know its legit. For a couple of days, somehow five minutes of "Avengers: Endgame" leaked on the internet. Its tough to watch, it looks like a bootleg of a bootleg of a bootleg. The audio tracking is way off. But its clearly footage from the upcoming movie. The only reason I watched it is because I found out that no major deaths are spoiled in this five minutes. Its literally just five minutes of fucking awesome shit. I love fucking awesome shit. So why not take a peak at some fucking awesome shit?

The footage is way too hard to find at this point, so if want to know what I saw, I am going to post it below. In my own words. If you don't want to know, stop scrolling now. This is only for people who meddle in spoilers. So if you read below that is on you.

We are getting into spoiler territory now. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ THAT, DON'T SCROLL DOWN.

I'm serious, its time to talk about the leaked five minutes!






There were rumors of what would happen in "Avengers: Endgame," still referred to as Avengers 4, the weekend after Infinity War came out. What the rumors dispersed was that the surviving Avengers would try to find a way to reverse Thanos' snap. Tony Stark will make it back to Earth, and once he gets back, he begins to design his own Infinity Gauntlet. So that he can use the stones to reverse the snap himself. This will require the remaining heroes to go back in time to various other points from other movies to get the stones. The stones would eventually disappear from Thanos' gauntlet and he'd go after the heroes. Also in these rumors, Banner and Hulk would "merge" creating Professor Hulk, which is essentially a Hulk monster with Banner's intelligence still intact.

Well, according to the five minutes that leaked online, those rumors are on the money. The first thing we see is a Hulk in a full purple costume (an image that leaked online a year ago) also sporting reading glasses. This Hulk is speaking, full sentences, not that broken English Hulk usually uses. He's having a fun time with Thor (who has grown long hair and A LONG beard) and Rocket. Also in this scene, I am 100%  sure I saw Korg, the blue rock alien we met in "Thor: Ragnarok" no sign of his best friend Miek though. How Korg got to Earth and Avengers HQ remains to be scene. In these early moments of the footage, it looks like the heroes are working on ships and those matching outfits we've seen in the trailers.

The next big scene shows them in the battle of New York from the very first Avengers movie. It was really hard to tell what they were saying, but Captain America, Professor Hulk, Iron Man and Ant-Man were formulating some kind of plan. The scene after this showed post-Infinity War Captain America fighting the 2012 Avengers Captain America. I'm sure 2012 Avengers Captain America probably thinks that post-Infinity War Captain America is some illusion from Loki, so it will be interesting to see how that unfolds.

The next scene shows Hulk putting on an Infinity Gauntlet, with what looked like all the stones. You can tell its a Stark gauntlet too, because its got that signature crimson on it. Toys have already spoiled a "Stark Gauntlet" already, so this scene didn't really surprise me. But it looks like even the mighty Hulk is having trouble containing the power of the Infinity Stones. This Stark gauntlet seems to be hurting him.

The next scene was the last bit of footage, and man its a doozy. We see Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America fighting Thanos on a distant planet. Thanos is fighting with a big ass sword! Thor has his Stormbreaker. But here's the craziest part....CAPTAIN AMERICA IS WIELDING THE MJOLNIR! I'm guessing Thor got his old hammer back through time travel and sure enough, we finally see that Steve Rogers is in fact worthy. This is something I've been arguing with people for the last four years. In "Age of Ultron" Rogers nudged the hammer. But he didn't lift it. That point I knew he'd lift it eventually. He did in the comic books and you aren't just a little worthy. You are either worthy to lift Thor's hammer or you're not, there is no middle ground. I knew that nudging would pay-off in a movie in the future, and now it finally has. Captain America is shown single-handedly kicking Thanos' ass. He's armed with both the Mjolnir and his shield. 

The next big doozy comes next. We see Cap starring down a massive army lead by Thanos. Cap appears to be alone when we hear "on your left." Fans of "Captain America: Winter Soldier" will know what that means. We suddenly see a portal behind Cap. (looking very similar to a Dr. Strange portal) and out of the portal comes Black Panther, his sister Shuri and Wakandan fan-favorite Okoye. After a dramatic beat, Falcon comes flying out of the portal too. So we do learn that eventually the heroes will collect all the stones and reverse Thanos' snap. The next scene is very quick, but we see every character you can think of lining up behind Cap. The footage is blurry, and the scene is dark, so I couldn't make out everyone. But I definitely saw Drax, Star-Lord, Thor, Iron Man, Teen Groot, possibly Wasp, Wanda, Spidey. That's just for heroes. Captain America, after 20+ movies, finally says "AVENGERS ASSEMBLE" and the army of heroes charges. We see lots more than just heroes though, it looks like a huge army of Wakandans (perhaps the Wakandan troops that got dusted?) all charge towards Thanos and his army. We see a pegasus fly by, and I don't mean some fancy spaceship, I mean a literal, mythological pegasus fly by. With a person riding it. That has to mean Valkyre. We see a bunch of people in suits fly by. Could be Iron Man and War Machine. But there seemed to be more than two. Gwyneth Paltrow confirmed on her Twitter that she's suiting up as Rescue in this movie, so perhaps one of them is her. And maybe Iron Man has called on his Iron Legion to help in the battle. After we see those suits fly by, we see Scott Lang as Giant Man running towards the army. We also see a bunch of spaceships flying toward's Thanos' forces, who is flying these ships remains to be seen. 

Thanos has a pretty crazy army himself. Full of Chitauri, possibly more Outriders. Also his Black Order seems to be alive somehow. So whatever this battle is, its going to be FUCKING INSANE!

The next scene shows Iron Man and Spider-Man embracing and having some sort of heart-to-heart. Soon after we see Captain Marvel, taking down Thanos' personal ship all by herself. We see her floating with her signature pixie cut hair. 

End footage.

So I think its pretty safe to say that this movie is going to throw the kitchen sink at us. This is going to be large on every aspect imaginable. We are only a few more days away. I can't wait to see these moments and more, on a great big screen with perfect audio!

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