Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Fifty Shades of Grey Review

Fifty Shades of Grey Review
"Fifty Shades of Grey" really should have been called "Fifty Shades of Brown" because it positively reeks of shit.
 
"Fifty Shades of Grey" is a failure on every level. It is a poorly-acted, poorly executed tale that fluffs its audience trying to be a love story while its hiding something far more sinister than anybody could ever imagine. No wonder the idea was born out of a Twilight fan fiction.
 
 
Jamie Dornan plays Christian Grey and Dakota Johnson plays Anastasia Steele, both names sound like they came straight for a porn movie, but that is simply not the case. Christian Grey is a billionaire who has a twisted side when it comes to his personal life. He eventually meets Anastasia and gains a liking toward her, so much so that he invites her into his twisted side. But I won't waste time talking around Christian Grey. If you are reading this, you have either seen the movie, read the books, done both or know enough of what you are getting into. Christian Grey is a man who has an obsession with dominant, sexual relationships. Christian Grey is also the worst protagonist in any story ever told.
 
It is tough to buy into "Fifty Shades of Grey" as a movie, since both its lead actors are terrible. I have never seen anything with Dakota Johnson in it until tonight, I had no idea she was an actress until this movie was announced. I can say right now that she is terrible as an actress. Nothing that she does in this movie is believable, nothing she does in this movie carries any emotional heft. It is sad because I feel she is going to have a long career ahead of her, because she carries to no power as an actress. Why does Hollywood allow for careers to flourish just because a bad actor starred in a successful franchise? What really surprised me tonight was the work by Dornan. I actually kind of liked him when he was on ABC's "Once Upon A Time." But here, something is off about him from the start. There is something weird about his voice, and even Dornan can't make this odd tale believable with his performance.
 
Then there is the movie itself. It seems that director Sam Taylor-Johnson has no sense of direction. There is no absolute theme of the movie and its transtions are all over the place. It wants to be dramatic at times, but ends up coming off like a soap opera. It wants to be funny, but never lands a punch-line. All movie long, it struggles with tone, with theme and transition all the way through. By the end of the film, I had no idea what genre to label this movie. Worst of all, after all the hype that has been spilt onto this movie. After hearing how edgy and how its sexual themes have made the film infamously legendary, "Fifty Shades of Grey" is barely sexy. Jamie Lee Curtis' dance from "True Lies" was hotter than anything in this movie.
 
But let's get real here for a second. There is another reason why I am not surprised "Fifty Shades of Grey" was cut from the same cloth as "Twilight." "Fifty Shades of Grey" tries to force its audience to buy into something dangerous. This is a disgusting movie with a disgusting message. I honestly don't understand how so many women can fantasize about their readings in this book or from this movie then outcry when a girl on the news gets raped. "Fifty Shades of Grey" is a celebration of women giving away their independence to men. It treats submissive relationships as something of merit. It looks rape culture, submission and dominant relationships in the face and try to shake it off like its all okay. I have a question for all the women who are a fan of this story. If you are so curious of a submissive relationship would be, for the love of God tell me why? Does a submissive relationship performed by a hot, rich guy okay because the guy is rich and hot. If the guy was poor and ugly, would the message not carry the same weight? I don't understand why any woman would fantasize or give merit to the idea of signing your body and your life over to some freaky sex creep. I don't care how rich or how good-looking he is. It is a wrong message and its terrible that so many people are allowing this franchise to make money.
 
Oh sure, you can throw the "its only a movie" tagline at me all you want. The thing is movies are art. They have proven over the years that they speak to us directly, as people and as a culture. They impact our lives and the best made movies put a mirror to our faces and to our world. Movies are a reflection of us. Allowing this movie and the set of books its based to catch popularity is sending the wrong message. Moms, please, would you support your daughter if she told you she signed her life away to a weird sexual relationship? If your answer is yes, then I hate to judge, but you are not fit to be a mother.
 
But I should cool down. "Fifty Shades of Grey" is a wallow, in every category. Its message is the least of its problems.
 
FINAL GRADE: F



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