Friday, September 27, 2013

The Canyons Review

The Canyons Review
See the look on James Deen and Lindsay Lohan's faces? That's basically my face during the entirety of "The Canyons." Bored, stunned and checking my phone. I think that will be the general consensus on this piece.

I didn't watch this because of Lindsay Lohan, I was kind of interested that the film was written by Brett Easton Ellis, the author of both "American Psycho" and "Laws of Attraction." Both books were adapted into fine films, so I was curious to see how Ellis would handle a script. I discovered tonight that there are some things Ellis can't do. It can't make his ideas interesting in a script. Add in stiff performances and a seemingly braindead director, "The Canyons" becomes a mess quickly. The thing that shocked me the most is how uninteresting Ellis' script is. So rich people are pricks, and Hollywood types are completely amoral. Is that really all that is on his mind? I'm sorry, but I've heard that in film, TV, and in book form all my life. I don't need to be reminded of those facts, especially in a package as soulless and shameless as this one.

I'd like to give a synopsis. But I find it hard to muster up words to describe this film. There is a movie producer (James Deen) with a girlfriend (Lindsay Lohan). They have an incredibly open relationship which involves lots of kinky, weird behavior. They are both cheating on each other, and the whole movie drones through both of them trying to find out the other's secret before the other person does. That's the movie. It seems director Paul Schrader and writer Ellis decided to take that and make it as boring as possible. This was a really hard sit. Especially since Deen, Lohan and the rest of the cast are determined to make themselves as stiff and emotionless as possible. 

I wish I could think of some positive factors, but I just can't.

This is a movie that is dark and depressing simply for the sake of being dark and depressing. I am sure Schrader thinks it's "cool" or "edgy" to fill his film full of despicable people in horrendous situations and call it art. I don't though, I call it a waste of time. I find it hard to imagine anybody else on the planet not calling this a waste of time. If your a Ellis fan, I'd stick to his books, "American Psycho" and "Laws of Attraction." You'll get a lot more bang for your buck.

FINAL GRADE: F

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