Sunday, July 14, 2013

Weekly Top Ten- The Worst Action Movies

Weekly Top Ten-#13

The Ten Worst Action Movies

Tonight, by popular request I have compiled a list of the worst action movies I have ever seen. The action genre is interesting because it is very easy for the genre to tip into cheese. Not all the one-liners, the A-list action stars, the bullets, the bombs, the explosions can put your action movie back together again. I am usually very apologetic of the genre and have enjoyed many films the genre has to offer, that many pan. But even I have seen my fair share of stink.

This was actually a hard list to create, because there is quite a bit a crap and not enough spots to fill the list. You won't find "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot" or "Cliffhanger" or "Street Fighter" or "Lost In Space" or "Batman And Robin" or "Bad Boys II" or "Rollerball" or "The Die Hard sequels" or "Doom" or "Ultraviolet" or any of the crappy Steven Seagal movies. I could go on and on and on, but I think the list I put together tonight sums up the very worst I have seen.

10. Bloodrayne (2005)
Easily one of the worst choreographed action movies ever put on film, it also fails to be exciting or thrilling in the most fundamental of ways. Kristanna Loken can't act and should never be allowed to again. The special effects are atrocious, the other acting is bland, and as I mentioned above, its choreographed poorly.

9. Last Action Hero (1993)
If there ever was a movie in the history of existence that deserved the remake treatment, this would be it. It has a fairly interesting premise about a movie crazy kid who finds a magic movie ticket and is transported to the movie universe. Yet, all the filmmakers wanted him to do was run around telling everybody that they were in a movie and not real life? Come on! What a waste of a good concept. Through in stupid cameos just for laughs, and bad one-liners and you've got a stomach turning mess.

8. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)
When the fights in a video game are more appealing and fast-paced (yes fast-paced) compared to a movie based on that game, you know your in trouble. The dialogue is laughable, the special effects look like cartoons, even the costumes look like they came from a kung-fu community theater. I am still patiently waiting for a legitimate Mortal Kombat movie to be made...tick, tick, tick, tick...

7. Wing Commander (1999)
I am glad Freddie Prinze Jr. no longer headlines movies, because honestly he's no leading man. I am putting it in kind, delicate terms when I say he is no leading man. Through in his best friend Matthew Lillard and you've got something completely forgettable. As wrongheaded as video game adaptation gets, this one is just never exciting.

6. Barbwire (1996)
I think its silly to even consider a worst action films list and NOT include "Barbwire." Shame on the studio and the film crew who thought making a futuristic remake of "Casablanca" starring Pamela Anderson as our hero was a good idea. Defiling such a titanic work like "Casablanca" should have put this entire crew behind bars for treason.

5. Double Team (1997)
I don't know what it was about the 90's where Hollywood thought it was okay to bring different celebrities into the action arena, but I am glad the failed experiment is over. Rodman is a freak and Van Damme, even in great action like "Expendables 2," can hardly act. The dopey plot and stiff characters only made this film suck harder.

4. Steel (1997)
I can't remember which came first, Shaq's terrible acting career or Shaq's terrible rapping career, but I am glad both have been put to bed. When I am laughing at how terrible this movie was at the age I was in 1997, you know there is a big problem.

3. Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997)
One things for sure, this film certainly sent "Speed 3" to a watery grave. Subbing Keanu Reeves for Jason Patric didn't help the franchise, Sandra Bullock decided not to act well, neither did Willem Dafoe, the plot is completely ridiculous and the scene involving a huge pleaser cruise vessel to crash into a city was so uninteresting and unexciting that I literally wanted to barf.

2. Gymkata (1985)
Just because Kurt Thomas won some gold metals at the Olympics one year doesn't automatically make him an action hero. And it certainly doesn't make him a martial artist by any means either. The movie is so silly in the way that it tries to blend gymnastics with martial arts that it was nauseating. 

1. Battlefield Earth (2000)
This maybe surprising, but John Travolta has never been this painful to watch. This is without a doubt the silliest sci/fi action film ever created. The film features murky sets, silly special effects, and hammy dialogue. The characters featured in this film are so dumbfoundingly (yep, just made up a word) stupid that it seems the script was written by a Salamander. Plus, Barry Pepper as a lead, really? Character development is a joke, smart scenes are nowhere, and God, MY GOD is he glowingly bad. The only good thing to come out of this mess was that this was not transformed into a franchise.

Sometimes it makes my brain hurt to remember such terrible pieces of trash, but what are some of the worst action movies you have ever seen?


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